Hmmm?

Sigh.
Got two more papers left, but no mood to study.
No mood at all.
Where my mind is going actually?




study la woiii ! studyyyyyy !
Ada jugak kang keluar exam hall besok nyesal tak sudah. Hmmmm.

Things aren't like before.

1)

Can anybody hear me?

Or am I talking to myself?

My mind is running empty

In the search for someone else

Who doesn’t look right through me.

It’s all just static in my head

Can anybody tell me why I’m lonely like a satellite?

‘Cause tonight I’m feeling like an astronaut

Sending SOS from this tiny box

And I lost all signal when I lifted up

Now I’m stuck out here and the world forgot

Can I please come down? 

‘Cause I’m tired of drifting around and round 

Can I please come down?

I’m deafened by the silence

Is it something that I’ve done?

I know that there are millions

I can’t be the only one who’s so disconnected

It’s so different in my head.

Can anybody tell me why I’m lonely like a satellite?

2)

No longer contact each other :/

No longer close i guess, its been a while we're not talking to each other :'(

What more can i say? I just miss having the three of us. without u by my side, i'm LOST. Totally LOST. Having no one to share stories, share feelings. Sigh.

Things aren't like before.

Just a deep thought from my heart............

Assalamualaikum.

What is meant to be, it will be.

...............................

Ngantuk Zzzz

Susahnya mau tidur.

Kalau tidur pun salu dapat mimpi bukan2.

Then, terjaga balik. Hmmmm.

Another tired day today.

And tomorrow also.

Hmmmm.

But then, still ..... :)

Sincerely,

Wannot 

It hurts :'(

Ya Allah,

kau kuatkanlah semangat aku ini,

kau jauhkanlah aku dari sebarang penyakit yg memudaratkan.

I thought it was end already. 

Berakhir sudah.

Tapi kenapa sakit ni tiba datang2 balik?
Not as teruk as before,

but still can cause pain in my chest,

hard to breath once again,

but can be controlled.

and to prevent that,

i can only go to sleep.

It reduce the pain a bit.

before this, the pain comes sekejap sekejap only

and now, most of the time 

but still, i can hold the pain infront of others

I have to be strong

I am strong

because i'm not sick at all

and this shaking body of mine really freak me out.

would you stop shaking?

I hate it

seriously i hate it

Please go away all the pain

I hate it

:'(

Sakit itu kafarah dosa.

Beerti Allah sedang memberi kita peluang untuk mencuci segala dosa2 kecil kita.

:'(

Slowly return.

This past two weeks really tough on me.

Really tough :/

All of a sudden,im losing the spirit. and i've being attacked. 

Attacked by what?

I keep on having a chest pain, hard to breath, and my whole body systems shaking without a reasons this lately.

I even feel hard to sleep.

If i can sleep, i kept on dreamt of something like a ghost or mengerikan.

for the chest pain,

I even went to pusrawa, do an ECG test.

The result is???????

Doc said everything is fine, and it is just a hyper ventilation syndrome.

Is it true?

Me myself also dont know.

*SIGH HARDLY DEEPLY*

What can i only do now is be strong. I have to.

My inner side have to be strong, not for others but for myself.

And im really trying on it right now.

I'll slowly gettin back on the track, for the future, InsyaAllah.

I'll slowly increase my appetite, get to normal back, InsyaAllah.

I'll slowly fill my empty heart, with my Taqwa, InsyaAllah.

InsyaAllah, jika Allah mengizinkan. Ameen :)

To mama abah, sorry  if i let u guys down.

i know i shouldnt say  i want to quit  study.

Its not me saying that actually.

and Alhamdulillah now im gettin better.

Its also from your Du'a that makes me return :)

I love you mama abah ;)

and I know u guys do miss me. kann? ecececeh.

Do wait for me to come back, Raya, InsyaAllah :)

To umi and kakak, sorry,

 bcos im always be the one who trouble both of you.

im always sick, im always itu, im always ini. hmmm

I didnt mean that, truly sorry from me.

and thank you also for always taking care of me.

i do appreciate it.

i dont know how to repay both of u, but surely Allah will :)

and i also lovin both of you as well.

words are hard to be describe, 

but HIM knows how deep my love towards  umi & kakak.

Te amo ;)

friends there, 

you have to know that we here always miss you love you.

GIve us strong yayang :(

Al fatihah..

Assalamualaikum.

 

Lemah.

Apa nak jadi dgn diri aku skrg?
Serupa macam orang yang dah tak terurus.
Assignment tak siap, lab report tak terusik langsung, tutorial pun pandang sepi.
Bila ada midterm, quiz, tak pernah nak study. And the worst thing is when i didnt feel regret at all.
No feeling. Heartless.
Tinggal another one year lebih je lagi utk aku habis belajar.
Kenapa aku perlu face semua ni waktu saat2 genting ni?
Mungkin Allah nak uji aku. Orang sekeliling selalu cakap yang Allah takkan uji seseorang tu diluar kemampuannya. Tapi kenapa aku rasa diri aku tak kuat? Hmmm.
Ya Allah, betapa lemahnya imanku terhadapmu. Ujian yang sebegini kecil pun aku tak mampu hadapi.

Kenapa aku takleh jadi mcm orang lain?
Mungkinkah aku terlampau ikut sgt perasaan yg ada ni?
Aku takboleh nk buang perasaan sedih ni langsung Ya Allah :(
My mind, My heart keep remembering me of her.
I can laugh like others, enjoy like others, but when im alone, i feel like wanna crying.
Feel like my spirit is gone together with her. Im not lying.
My spirit is lost, lost in da jungle. jungle that no one know even myself where it is.
I couldnt find my spirit my soul back, till now.

Thanks to everyone yg try to find my soul my spirit back.
Thanks also because tak putus2 give me strength, i know u guys wants me to wake up from this state.
Wants me to become like before, my old self.
Sorry umi, sorry kakak :( Many things u guys buat utk naikkan smgat, get me on track, stay healthy,
i didnt mean to let u guys down, but this is me now.
i dont know why i become like this. seriously i have no clue.
Sorry for hurting u guys, either with my words, or my actions. Really2 sorryyyyy :'(
Just ignore me, only then i might not hurting u both anymore, because i love u both so damn much :'(

"Ada benda yang kita taknak terjadi, tapi kita kene terima jugak benda itu walau apapun terjadi"

Umi, Kakak, i'll try to find my spirit back, i'll try to get myself back on the track, not for others, but for myself.
I need time, and i dont know how much more time that i need.
Susah mahu berubah kalau mindset tak berubah. That is my biggest problem now. :(

Yang, d mana pun kau sekarang ni, aku sangat2 rindukan kau :(
kehilangan kau serious bagi impak besar kat aku. sbb aku belum bersedia lagi utk kau pergi secara tiba2.
Aku dah tak sama mcm dlu. Aku dpt rasa dri aku lain dah. Tapi aku sndri takde inisiatif nak kembalikan dri aku mcm dlu yang. Aku just biarkan je perasaan ni pergi, pergi mengikut kau. Sbb aku rasa kosong sgt dah dlm diri aku. Lemah sgt kan aku yang. If u were here, i know u wouldnt let me feel like that. Family aku pun jauh pulak tu. they are not by my side to get me on the track. What they know now, im fine here. Of course im fine, tapi tu luaran. Tapi aku taknak risaukan mereka. Biarlah dorang dgn tanggapan dorang tu.
Yang, aku berharap sgt aku dpt kembali mcm dlu. Please give me strength :'(

Mungkin aku yang terlampau dan melampau ikut perasaan sgt. and i have to get out from this feelings. and yes i cant just sit down and waitin for people to give my dream, i have to get out there and make it happen by myself, because its my dream, my future.
InsyaAllah. Ameen.

Dear Allah, please guide me well through this journey.






p/s : I love everyone ; My family, My umi, My kakak and you My friends. Sorry for everything.