Lemah.

Apa nak jadi dgn diri aku skrg?
Serupa macam orang yang dah tak terurus.
Assignment tak siap, lab report tak terusik langsung, tutorial pun pandang sepi.
Bila ada midterm, quiz, tak pernah nak study. And the worst thing is when i didnt feel regret at all.
No feeling. Heartless.
Tinggal another one year lebih je lagi utk aku habis belajar.
Kenapa aku perlu face semua ni waktu saat2 genting ni?
Mungkin Allah nak uji aku. Orang sekeliling selalu cakap yang Allah takkan uji seseorang tu diluar kemampuannya. Tapi kenapa aku rasa diri aku tak kuat? Hmmm.
Ya Allah, betapa lemahnya imanku terhadapmu. Ujian yang sebegini kecil pun aku tak mampu hadapi.

Kenapa aku takleh jadi mcm orang lain?
Mungkinkah aku terlampau ikut sgt perasaan yg ada ni?
Aku takboleh nk buang perasaan sedih ni langsung Ya Allah :(
My mind, My heart keep remembering me of her.
I can laugh like others, enjoy like others, but when im alone, i feel like wanna crying.
Feel like my spirit is gone together with her. Im not lying.
My spirit is lost, lost in da jungle. jungle that no one know even myself where it is.
I couldnt find my spirit my soul back, till now.

Thanks to everyone yg try to find my soul my spirit back.
Thanks also because tak putus2 give me strength, i know u guys wants me to wake up from this state.
Wants me to become like before, my old self.
Sorry umi, sorry kakak :( Many things u guys buat utk naikkan smgat, get me on track, stay healthy,
i didnt mean to let u guys down, but this is me now.
i dont know why i become like this. seriously i have no clue.
Sorry for hurting u guys, either with my words, or my actions. Really2 sorryyyyy :'(
Just ignore me, only then i might not hurting u both anymore, because i love u both so damn much :'(

"Ada benda yang kita taknak terjadi, tapi kita kene terima jugak benda itu walau apapun terjadi"

Umi, Kakak, i'll try to find my spirit back, i'll try to get myself back on the track, not for others, but for myself.
I need time, and i dont know how much more time that i need.
Susah mahu berubah kalau mindset tak berubah. That is my biggest problem now. :(

Yang, d mana pun kau sekarang ni, aku sangat2 rindukan kau :(
kehilangan kau serious bagi impak besar kat aku. sbb aku belum bersedia lagi utk kau pergi secara tiba2.
Aku dah tak sama mcm dlu. Aku dpt rasa dri aku lain dah. Tapi aku sndri takde inisiatif nak kembalikan dri aku mcm dlu yang. Aku just biarkan je perasaan ni pergi, pergi mengikut kau. Sbb aku rasa kosong sgt dah dlm diri aku. Lemah sgt kan aku yang. If u were here, i know u wouldnt let me feel like that. Family aku pun jauh pulak tu. they are not by my side to get me on the track. What they know now, im fine here. Of course im fine, tapi tu luaran. Tapi aku taknak risaukan mereka. Biarlah dorang dgn tanggapan dorang tu.
Yang, aku berharap sgt aku dpt kembali mcm dlu. Please give me strength :'(

Mungkin aku yang terlampau dan melampau ikut perasaan sgt. and i have to get out from this feelings. and yes i cant just sit down and waitin for people to give my dream, i have to get out there and make it happen by myself, because its my dream, my future.
InsyaAllah. Ameen.

Dear Allah, please guide me well through this journey.






p/s : I love everyone ; My family, My umi, My kakak and you My friends. Sorry for everything.